The Anatomy of Tobacco, Or, Smoking Methodised, Divided, and Considered After a New Fashion by Arthur Machen

Author:Arthur Machen
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Publisher: G. Redway
Published: 1884-03-25T05:00:00+00:00

THE ANATOMY OF TOBACCO.

"wiBdom lies iii the mean, for be who buys tobacco at a, great price needa a long purae, and he who buys it at a small price a Btroiig stomach, but if he observe the mean he need have neither. Thirdly, thoae from whom you buy, the best diviBion of whom is into male and fomale. Now the male seller of tobacco ia of Tarioas aorta, of which take for example (1) the man of many worda. From Bueh a one you have much, talking concerning all mattera in general, especially if he be from foreign lands, which landa he doth not fail greatly to commend, but yet hath no deaire to return unto them ; (2) the man of few words, whose aole topic ia the weather; (3) the man of no words, who HcUeth thee tobacco as if thou waat doing him an injury, and taketh thy money with a forbidding countenance. Yet if thou giveat him no money is his countenance yet more forbidding, which ia strange and with difficulty to be explained, For since the contradictory of receiving some money is receiying no money, and likewise the contradictory of a forbidding countenance a cheerful countenance, so rightly in auch case should this man's countenance be cheerful; but yet it is not ao, the reason whereof has not yet been diseoTered.

Next take the female sellera of tobacco, whoae Tery existence I consider an insult to the amoker, For as it ia not the habit of females in this country to amoke needs must be that such ones do sell that of which they know nothing and on which they are not qualified to discriminate. And this want of knowledge they eniSeavour to replace by idle verbosities and foolish grimaces wherewith to please the clothes-horses who may frequent their shop. Tet let it not be thought that they have any pretensions to a pleasant wit or pointed understanding, for I myself,being in company with one whose fault it was to ha-ve too great a fondness for these harpies, did list to a conversation lasting above an hour, in which I avow no one aensible, pleasajit, or humorous word did paas, the talk being Ulce unto ditchwater. And what pleasure he who oills himself a man can find in such

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THE ANATOMY OF TOBAOl

diacourae I know not, but am willing to be instructed on the matter. So mucli for bajing tobacco.

Fourthly and lastly, it ia poaaible to obtain tobacco by gtealing, to which, there is the one objection that the law will not suffer it, and if by means of "bobbies" it can apprehend the stealer will deprive him of both tobacco and liberty for a greater or leas period. Otherwise I can see no objection to this method, it being devoid of all expense and being capable of much dexterity in the application. But unless thou posaeaa a quick hand and a swift foot I do not recommend the direct or oBtemdve method of stealing. But

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